That being said, I don't have any beautiful photos to show you of the gorgeous mountains or cool farmer's market finds from fresh mountain farms:(
So, instead, I'm going to share with you a pretty honest post that many of you might not expect, but let's be honest- I'm human and I deal with things. This post is about those things..or a few of them anyway:)
Yes, we all already knew this of course, but my ego tends to feel like I have to be perfect all the time, and it rarely gives me a break.
I could blame my week on PMS, but that would just be wrong. Blaming my bad mood on a woman's monthly suffering is something a man would do, and we all know that's just wrong when men try to blame our bad days on PMS. Shameful!
So, instead of taking the easy way out, plus remembering the fact I no longer even HAVE PMS, let's just be honest.
This week, I was simply proven that life stinks sometimes and setbacks will happen.
I've actually not just been in a bad mood all week, but greatly struggling recovery wise too.
I'm grateful to say that this post is proof of how much I have recovered :
- The old me would have let my eating disorder pull me into the trenches in the midst of my sadness.
The new me pushed through the fear, the temptations and the struggles to listen to my own voice.
- The old me would have let a family argument cause me to go outside, spend 2 hours running or walking to burn off calories and help give me some sort of relief, to only come back in and overeat.
The new me set still with my emotions, felt their raw, harsh effects, and learned to live through the pain, instead of let it cause me more grief later.
- The old me wouldn't have listened to my body's cravings that it needed good comfort food that was healthy, yet still wouldn't have been something I would have given myself after a bad day because my eating disorder told me I didn't deserve it.
The new me listened to my body's cravings that I truly was hungry and instead of choosing a plate of veggies as a night time snack, I did something I never do: I baked pumpkin oatmeal cookies at 9 p.m. at night slowly, therapeutically, and methodically and allowed myself 3 right off the pan. Not a binge at all, but more of a true enjoyment that I was giving my body a healthy treat it needed. Sure the cookies were made of healthy ingredients, but I haven't baked for myself at 9 p.m. at night since I finally quit binge eating two years ago during my anorexia recovery. I have been too scared to- until this week.
- The old me would have eaten that whole pan of cookies out of stress and then later hated myself. Oh, and she would have reached in the fridge for her super healthy raw nut butter, eaten half the jar and been in pain, but still went back to her cupboards for way too many Blueberry Larabars. The next day, she wouldn't have eaten at all, or the next six months she would have cut out all carbs and fat to make up for it.
The new me ate 3 cookies at one serving, enjoyed every bite, and then put the rest up for later. She even managed to save some for a photo shoot for the recipe post coming up later this week.
- The old me wouldn't have even told you I baked oatmeal cookies because usually, I eat grain free for digestion purposes.
The new me was honest that she needed good comfort food and for one day, those cookies made her feel better because it didn't numb her, but instead was a sign she was LISTENING, gently, quietly, and not eating out of stress.
- The old me would have let a fight with someone she loved make her cave in, withdraw from her family, and indulge in self-hatred. She would have made herself feel better by eating less during the week and exercising more.
The new me took a rest day when needed, took her dog for a walk to spend leisurely time outside, and not time over-exercising. She also enjoyed yoga to relieve her stressed muscles before bed instead of a 2 mile walk or run to burn calories.
The new me spent two solid days doing nothing but working and feeling greatly fulfilled.
- The old me would have self-mutilated with food and too much exercise. The old me couldn't have written this post.
The new me ate nourishing meals, ate only when she was hungry, and relayed all my most honest opinions to you at 12:30 a.m. because she hopes it helps even just one of you, though hopefully more.
Whatever you're struggling with today, or what you'll struggle with a week, two or even five from now or more, let me offer you some hope.
Pushing through the pull is what life and recovery is all about. It's what all of us are capable of doing when we stop, breathe and be kind to ourselves.
Listening to your body is a general term thrown around everywhere, but I try to adhere to the saying that the body speaks through silent whispers.
If you're in pain emotionally, struggling with grief, hurt, etc., learn to FEEL that. Learn to sit in that feeling and push through the crappiness of those emotions to come out on the other side : PEACE.
I don't do well with fighting with people I love, and losing people in my past is what created such a loss in my heart to begin with. I don't deal well when things aren't good at home, and luckily, I'm blessed to have family that loves me, even if some of them don't quite understand me.
Yet, this morning, I didn't wake up sick, sad or raw with emotions. Luckily, my eyes also weren't all puffed up from crying the night before either. Because really, what grown woman can feel good about things when her eyes are so puffy from crying all night? What a great reminder to start our days with, right?
Yet, I found happy in the little things this week somehow, and this morning- I woke up with 100% complete and utter peace.
I know many of you think I'm so positive on here, and that means alot to me, because it means you see the real me. I usually am fairly upbeat, and try to look at the bright side of things whenever possible. Let's be honest, my life has made me learn to be that way- despite what is going on around me and I kind of love that despite how hard it is.
Yet, over the years, I've become a little more raw- a little more sensitive with emotional issues. I'm okay with that, but it has taken some getting used to, to say the least.
So, while this post may not be a tasty new recipe post, or a list of ways to become healthier all overnight (as if that's really possible), it is a post that is honest, and is proof that self-love and care is possible, even if it comes in baby steps.
And with pumpkin oatmeal cookies and puffy eyes.
Do you have weeks that are hard for you to push through the pull?
What temptations seem to pull you back?
PS - The pumpkin oatmeal cookie recipe is coming up this week, along with a giveaway, so stay tuned!:)